My first date. I was 18 and a freshman at SUNYA. this was my first boyfriend! lol
In Christ since 1977, I have learned “a thing or two” concerning what it means to be crucified in Him, yet still be alive. Keeping it simple, I have learned that to die in Christ is to look for or expect nothing for self.
I expect to be misunderstood by some with this post. I ignore the swine and cast my pearls to those who hunger to press on to perfection in Him.
So this is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long!
June 198o. Landed my best job in state govt in the field of corrections. Worked it for 17 years while I was also in ministry in an AA denomination. I was on lunch break! lol
I knew early on in life that I was supposed to be “special,” perhaps famous. Intellectually, I aspired to be a college professor at the master’s degree level. I was blocked. Then there was my beauty. It caused people to think me the next Lena Horne or the Halle Berry of my generation. Instead, I entered into state government. Once there, I strived to be the top dog–a Commissioner or a Director but God did not allow it, blocking me at every turn.Consequently, I remained in middle management, writing reports and letters for the Governor’s signature. I learned how to serve others.
When I entered into ministry, I did not know what to expect. Confronted in my dreams by a religious demon, the Lord allowed him to put me to the test. I received several dreams that showed me that I was to pastor a mega church of thousands. I saw myself, strutting across a platform bible in hand, teaching countless people, on a par with Juanita Bynum, Paula White or even Joyce Meyer. On the real, when opportunities DID present themselves, doors were immediately shut tight. Since I was well deceived, believing these messages of ministerial fame were from the Lord, it was the enemy’s intention that I would first be frustrated, and ultimately be so disappointed that I would “curse God and die..”
When your aspirations and expectations for self glory are high, and they are not achieved, many wallow about feeling like failures. However, if you are crucified in Christ, none of it matters because for you, only Christ is gain. The world and its attainments become as dung. Garbage. Waste.
Not once did I feel like a failure when my enemy given aspirations came to naught. For in the ongoing process of the “test”, I lost all desire for self acclaim. I came to see that one can chase a thousand but two can chase 10,000. By revelation knowledge, I came to be satisfied in my place in His body, desiring nothing for myself. I accept that while I live, my job is to prepare others to swing the mighty blow against the foe. The fruit of my life-long test is that WHO does the Lord’s work does not matter. How the work is done is no longer any consequence to me. My personality has buried personal ambition and so I am crucified in Christ, nevertheless I live. Yet not I. It is Christ who lives in me.
How does He live in me? I have lost personal ambition. My lack of ambition is neither passivity or laziness, for I am always ready to take action. Yet my soul is so united to the Lord, that I rest from the complexities of making this or that decision as I simply accept the choice of the Holy Ghost. Since I am bold and unafraid, the ambitious in ministry are often “intimidated” so they often make fruitless and useless attacks when I touch upon one of their pet religious peeves. Yet a crucified person is never offended by critics. Why? Because we want for nothing. Therefore. I receive the petty blows with a quiet spirit as I shake the dust and move on.
In fact, people believe that I am very busy but I work without feeling like I am working. For when I write a book, a blog, counsel, mentor or teach and train, I am doing what I
Here I am at 75!
love to do. Whenever, God decides to sit me down, I will accept His decision and simply enjoy the rest of the life that He allows me to have.
Then again, when you are crucified with Christ, you become an eternal person. You live your life as though it does not stop with your last breath on earth. This is how I live today. I don’t sweat the fact that more than half my life is over.. Why? Because with every word I write in a book or a blog, with every audio or video message that I produce, I am planting seed for generations to come. It does not matter if I achieve glory while I live. I don’t live for self glory.What matters is “the fruit.” As a book written by the dead was used by God to un-deceive me, then when I am gone, my books will remain for the living when I have passed over. In her book, “War on the Saints,” Jessie Penn- Lewis became my deliverer in 2003 though she died in 1915. So I rest in peace while I yet live out my remaining years, because I too have planted seed into the earth.
In the meantime, the Lord may desire to use me to help YOU. Don’t be embarrassed or proud about that. Pride goes before a fall.Some of you want to remain independent. I understand that. I too am independent and I will never again submit to any religious authority. Even so, I realize that the work we all do independently must come together like a well-knitted tapestry, as none of us is an island unto ourselves. We are the Body Of Christ. He is the Head. The part I play is crucial. I am like a drill sergeant who prepares the troops for war.
So just give me a call. I will not judge you. In fact, whatever you are going through, I have probably been tested or tempted in that area over the last 35 years in Him. So give me a call at 888-818-1117 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org